What is Christmas all about?

Is it about spending time with family and friends? About goodwill to all mankind? The birth of Jesus Christ?

Here is another type of Christmas tale for you. The tale of Banner. Banner, who tried so hard all year to impress at the firm. Always wore matching cuff links, worked tirelessly until all hours of the morning, and performed in what was heralded as the “best ever AC review performance” far and wide. And what does young Banner do at Christmas?

Banner gets drunk, punches a superior, pashes an underling, throws up in a partner’s house in Toorak, wakes up in all his clothes (including shoes) with a shirt covered in vomit, and then gets into work late the next day.

I think here we find the true meaning of Christmas. To get shit-faced and act like the dick you’ve been trying to suppress all year.

Clan McKinnon

My current motto is life is better with a straw. Basically everything I have to drink, I want to drink out of a straw. Including soup. I haven’t found a thing yet that doesn’t taste better out of a straw!

My family actually does have a motto (I think it is actually called a creed) which is in Gaelic “Audentes Fortuna Juvat”. This translates to Fortune Aids the Daring, which I have then commercialised to Fortune Favours the Brave.

Some facts for you about the McKinnon family:

We are an enterprising family from way back - from some place called Dunakin we ran a heavy chain across the sound and levied a charge on all passing ships. (Clearly passed on to me – I personally charge my family an annoyance tax. This is when they annoy me I take a gold coin from them. Usually they don’t know about the tax).

The MacKinnon clan maintained regular feuds with their neighbours. (Neighbours, people on the bus, your netball team etc)

The Mackinnons engaged in rebellions (in favour of the Stuarts). (I tied to raise a rebellion at Patts…..it failed…… probably because all the people I was trying to recruit had French blood in them. Those cheese loving surrender monkeys)

The MacKinnon insignia is a boar's head with a stag's shank bone in its mouth. (I like lamb shanks….)

MacKinnons were known as fierce warriors. (See I can’t help being rough on the netball court – its in my blood).

All I want for Christmas

Although the posting of my birthday wish list was a medium success (ie. I got some of the items, but not all), I am braving it again. If anyone wants to get me a Christmas present, or even just an everyday present I really want the following book.

The Google Story, David A Vise $35.00
How awesome would it be to create a business that is so popular that its name becomes a verb!! How cool would it be if one day people were saying "I'm going to lollypop them". (Unfortunately that sounds like a rather nasty sexual experience).

As usual - first preference is for a pony, but the book will do.

Engineers

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want. " Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

This is what I live with.

Grrrr (in an angry not sexual tone)

Today I am in quite a shit of a mood.

Firstly, there was an email this morning from a friend who I had hooked up with my old boss in Canada who is now working in my old job and having heaps of fun. Where as I am here in Melbourne having only a small amount of fun. Life isn’t fair.

Secondly, last night at about 11.30 I decided that my hair was too boofy, so attacked it with thinning scissors. I then took a large chunk of hair out of the back of my head, and thought “shit, but I’ll fix it in the morning”, but forgot to fix it, so now I may be walking around with a bald patch at the back of my head. I say may because I obviously can’t see it and don’t want to ask anyone because then I will have to explain the whole story.

Thirdly, Charlie is being every evasive about the topic of going overseas, moving out together and even what he is doing for lunch today. This is also shitting me.

Website for today - http://www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/ quite relevant in regards to point 3 above.

Birthday

It is now only 5 days til my birthday, and not long until Christmas after that. Because of this I have decided to write a list of presents I would like to help those of you who may be wondering what to buy me.

1) Ipod 30g Photo
2) PDA – HP Ipaq
3) Elliptical Trainer
4) G4 Powerbook 12 inch. (and airport express as well)
5) SLR Camera
6) New Ski Jacket
7) Hair straightener
8) 1 gig memory stick
9) New Bon Jovi CD
10) Heart Rate Monitor
11) Basketball shorts
12) Amelie on DVD
13) Mountain Bike

And the usuals: a pony, an new car, a pink snowboard.