Don't tell my mother I'm in advertising. She thinks I play piano in a whore house.

Everybody I know complains about their job. I don’t actually know anyone who I have heard say “I love my job”. Its either a jerk of a boss, incompetent colleagues, lack of pay, lack of respect, too much work, not enough work, the HR department sucks (this I find quite funny), too much stress, not enough responsibility. I also fall into this department as I suffer from many of the above ailments and am not afraid to moan about it.

I am one of those people who always has a “honeymoon” period with a job. The first 6 month I usually like, probably because I believe the crap they feed me about ‘big things’ in my future. However, once I turn (and the turn is inevitable) I am so over the job that it is painful for those around me. I have been over my current job now for a good 5 months – I really should have left already. And the reason I haven’t? Money. Correct – I am a sell out. I told my boss I wanted to quit, her solution –throw cash at me. And what did I do? I took it and went away – and the money makes me feel guilty, like I can’t complain anymore. Which if you know me is a very hard thing.

So I know that there are a lot of crappy jobs out there (animal masturbator, teacher etc), but I seriously think that working in advertising should be up there with crappy jobs. Why do I think advertising is one of the worst jobs?

1. You are always in the wrong. Doesn’t matter if an airline pilot gets drunk, hoped up on goofballs, and then crashes into your client’s billboard. It is your fault – why did you put the billboard there in the first place?

2. You are always too expensive. It doesn’t matter if you are charging them $50, they automatically assume that $35 of it is going towards a lunch, and their work costs $15. When really their work costs $45 and you are already worried about how you will explain the lack of mark up to finance at JCR time.

3. You are a massive sell out. See money story above. Also, everyone who works in advertising is a sell out in some way. They either wanted to be a writer, or an artist, or a philosopher. But unfortunately the arts degree didn’t count for that much, and you really do need money to act better than everyone else.

4. Shmoozing. Not only your client, but every other client the agency has. No matter what you feel like, when you walk past that dude in a suit in reception you suddenly get very peppy. Not only do you suck up to clients, you need to suck up to other staff members. The creatives whose fantastic (read tired and blasé) ideas you must sell. The suits, who all believe they are the most important. Production, so they will give you 5 minutes of their time, that is if you stalk them and catch them on their way out of the elevator and bribe them with a double latte.

5. You can get fired at any time. Without notice, without pay, without any compassion. Thanks for coming, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. “However we did write you a really good reference”.

6. Everyone thinks it’s a really cool job. So, yes I do go to a lot of parties and events, and yes I get free products. But don’t you people read – I sold my soul for this. New Motorola phone, but no personal integrity. And I have to hang out with a bunch of people who think they are the coolest people on earth – everyday. That is what is so bad about it – they think it is cool, and don’t seem to realize they too are sellouts. If a sellout is bad, a sellout who doesn’t realize their status is worse.

If I wasn’t so lazy and apathetic I would write a Jerry MacGuire style mission statement. But I don’t have time – I have a media Christmas party to go to.