Whattttssuuuuupppp?

It has taken a while for the first blog of the year to get up. A lot has happened; I’m a little older, a little wiser. A lot fatter. No richer, possibly a bit happier. I have officially grown up, moved out, moved on, moved mountains. No not quite, unless mountains are a metaphor for furniture and even then I did more directing than moving. Next on the list is to get a real car and not wear Birkenstocks to work everyday.

I am definitely as nerdy as before. Possibly even more so. For proof – read below. I didn’t write this (accuse me of dictatorship all you like, but not plagiarism – it was written by Charles Purcell on Jan 28) and to see the full article go here http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2006/01/26/1138066899364.html its worth it. This guy has written lessons that he has learned from computer games – all so true. Although he has managed to forget the lesson learned through my favourite game Tony Hawks Underground – no matter how many times you hit your head on the side walk, you’ll live to skate another day!

Violence does solve problems.
When a zombie runs towards you holding a buzzing chainsaw, do you a) talk to it, or b) blow its head off with a shotgun? Violence is always the best answer to problems. That's why you don't see many video games featuring the UN Secretary-General, Kofi Annan.

Girls don't like video games.
Your Xbox and your girlfriend are natural enemies. Women can't understand why you'd spend hour upon hour of adrenalin-rich excitement with your console when you could be cuddling your girlfriend. They don't care if the Master Chief is hemmed in by aliens on every side. All they know is that dinner is on the table and getting cold. Saving the galaxy will have to wait. That's why you should avoid women if you're a gamer.

It's not easy being a mythical 10th-century warlord.
It's tough being in charge of armies of trained soldiers who live and die at your command. There are horses to feed, rivals to crush and the constant threat of rebellion. If not for our superhuman gaming abilities, thousands of nonexistent castles would have fallen under the boot of tyranny.

If you've played The Sims, you're ready to redesign Sydney.
You need the skill of a town planner to play The Sims. Armed with that information, you are well equipped to redesign Sydney. You'll probably do a lot better job than the "visionaries" who planned our transport infrastructure.

Yes, you can fight in high heels and long hair.
Some people will claim the sexist world of fighting games does not accurately depict reality. For example, how can you deliver a karate kick to the throat while wearing high heels or having breasts as big as Lara Croft's? Ignore such people.

Don't sell someone else's virtual sword online.
It's just rude - and potentially deadly. A gamer in China stabbed his buddy to death when he found out he had sold his Legend of Mir 3 virtual sword online for about $1000. And who can blame him? Everyone knows virtual swords are worth at least $1500.

The world is divided into two camps.
You're either an Xbox or a PlayStation man. Which will emerge victorious: the Bill Gates-backed Xbox, with its superior gaming power and graphics, or the reigning PlayStation with its vast stable of games? One day everyone will be made to choose a side. Nations will burn. Neighbour will fight neighbour, brother will fight sister. There can be only one ruling console. Choose your side wisely.

Playing video games does not turn you into a trained killer.
Just because you spend hours learning the point-and-shoot technique perfected by soldiers and policemen does not turn you into some kind of killing machine. Nor should the fact that the US Army uses video games like Full Spectrum Warrior to train its troops overly alarm your parents. In fact, I just made that last bit up. Relax, people.

If you suddenly leave an online multiplayer game, people will talk about you.
Just to confirm your most paranoid thoughts, people will talk about you behind your back. Popular comments include "why did Soldierboy59 just suddenly leave", "gee, Soldierboy59 was rubbish" and "I bet he doesn't have a girlfriend". For best results, log off for 30 seconds, then quickly log back on to catch them in the act.

Build your stats.
You don't have to put up with the basic attributes God gave you. You can be stronger, smarter, healthier, more charming. Those Ogre Gauntlets will make you stronger than Schwarzenegger. That Persuasion Amulet is the perfect accessory to enhance your meagre Charisma. A Ring of Health will increase your hit points. Gather enough experience points, upgrade your stats and soon you'll be some kind of supergod, rather than the guy in the office with no girlfriend who spends too much time in front of the computer.